I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize