I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
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