its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
