Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
