And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Randomize
