I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
