What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I need mimosas to revive my soul
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
