My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Randomize
