Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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