So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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