dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Randomize
