i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
