She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
