Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
