I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
