I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
