Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
