would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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