i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
