barbara walters just said penis...
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
