sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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