NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
