Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
