I accidentally burped into my bong.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
