you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
