After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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