Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
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