I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
