I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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