I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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