I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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