She said her name was "party"
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
