Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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