I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Drunk is not a location!
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize