I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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