I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
