can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
