i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
It's official drugs can't kill me
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
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