you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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