Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
