You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Randomize
