Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
