I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
