you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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