I accidentally had phone sex last night
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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