Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
