dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Randomize
