i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
