he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
