you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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