Hey man sorry I got all grabby
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
