If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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