Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize