woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
