Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
