What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
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