You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Randomize