Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
