The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
