I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
