so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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