woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
