So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
