I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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