dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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