Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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