the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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