So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
