I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Soap is not a condiment
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
